Candy <3 (empyrean_gem) wrote,
Candy <3
empyrean_gem

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Not again...

I'm in one of my depressive states again. This blows.

The long weekend started off great! My cousins Mishy and Nikki slept over 2 nights. They're the sweetest. Couldn't wait for me to get home to spend time with them. So after class I went home and it was all Taylor Swift singing and painting nails and girly stuff. Saturday we went to see Cinderella during the day. Curled Mishy's hair and at it came out beautiful! She loved it! Then at night I took some time off from the kids. They're tiring! I'm pretty sure I don't want any, but it's nice to have them around for a bit. I went to hang out with Roshini at the Science Museum. That was so refreshing. Didn't get there in time for the star show, but I waited for her to get out so we could go to the observatory. That was the first time I've ever seen the moon through a telescope. It was sooooo pretty and blinding! I wanted to just stay looking at it. After that we sat in my car and continued talking for hours about our lives and what we'd been up to till now. What plans we have for later on, etc. She's one of the greatest people I know. She's been through so much and like all the strong women I know, we keep smiles on our faces amidst the turmoil we've faced. We did cracked up at some of the shit we've been through. I can only wish the best for all of us. We deserve it. I'm so tired of hearing all these sad stories of horrible relationships and shitty men. We're good women and don't deserve all this shit. Why have we put up with such crap? The thought of becoming a truly cold woman is so tempting, but that's all it is. Just a thought, because I cannot see myself in such a way. I'm sweet. And that's how I'll always be. But I do definitely gotta toughen up. For my own sake or I'll just get run over again.

I went running yesterday. Was feeling lazy/sad but I went anyway. Didn't help much. I'm sure it helped my butt though. Lol Took Mishy to Mac's Comics store. I like it. It's small, but they have really good comics. I just didn't buy any cause I still haven't gone through the ones I have at home. We were looking for Mishy's favorite. Wonder Woman. But there weren't any for her age. She found a different comic that she liked though. Penny (something) and the Wishing Box. And Oddly Normal. She doesn't like reading, but she was really excited about those. I was really hoping there'd be some Wonder Woman, she would've definitely loved that. But, at least she found something that got her to read. :)

Today I took my mom and the girls to church. Easter Sunday... I didn't want to go again. I think next time I'll just tell my mom I'll drop her off. I feel so out of place there. I feel like I've lost my faith and I don't know what to believe anymore. Everything they say sounds like such bs to me. And I don't know how to deal with this ambivalence. I was practically falling asleep. That's all I seem to want to do lately.

Ahhhh... when is this gonna end! This is not me!!!!! I don't want to be this way!!! I'm tired of feeling this way!!!

:'(
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