I've regained my composure after last night. What an eye opener! After reading so many of my past entries, I knew it all along. It would end some day. I always knew there was something off about my relationship with Rafael. But I held on to a dream I was promised would come true. But I was lied to. And that hurts so much. I knew it after he fucked up the first time. That's when the dream shattered. That's when I should've let it go. But I don't have regrets. I've learned some very valuable lessons. I've learned what I should and should not put up with. My needs... oh god... my needs! Lol And I've learned not to let go of the good people you care about for someone else's benefit. I've learned to follow my heart once again. To not listen to others putting things in my head when they tell me to "give it a try he's a good guy and really loves you". If I don't have any feelings towards you. No! I won't give it a try. There's gotta be chemistry. There's gotta be sparks and fireworks on both sides. Not just one. That's what I get for being too nice. It was an excellent learning experience for both of us. I know I learned for sure. I wonder if he ever will. The learning process was a bit too long... but an important step in my life nonetheless. I don't have any regrets because I gave it my all. I gave so much that I ended up giving what I should always keep. I gave so much I had actually fallen in love. Till he fucked up again... and then again... and who knows the many more. Well I was not gonna stick around and wonder forever. And that was my wake-up call. So, I got my shovel and dug a deep hole to bury that castle... bury that castle.